Things I Hate (or, that make me want to poke my eyes out) Part One

1. feelings (see previous post)
2. hamburgers (Okay, so once every three or four months I’ll crave a thickburger from Hardee’s or something, but then I’m done.)
3. also, meatloaf (only bread should come in a loaf)
4. pushy people
5. doing the dishes
6. having plans made for me without being consulted
7. being told what to do (see #4)
8. being ignored (this should go without saying, right?)
9. licorice flavored jelly beans
10. fake people
11. having to be nice to fake people
12. not saving money
13. eBay (I just… I don’t know. I’ve never liked it. I don’t know why. It may or may not be related to being forced to attend lots of car auctions in my youth. I’m not an auction person, okay? I just want to pay for something without having an argument or a competition over it.)
14. mesh clothing (I mean, really, what’s the point?)
15. baseball caps on the kitchen table
16. 80s synthesizer music (this should probably be closer to number one, but I’m writing this as they come to me, so keep that in mind)
17. Axl Rose (but Slash is amazing)
18. the janky carpet in my house that I want to replace but can’t
19. flan (yet I love creme brulee, and they’re really similar when you think about it)
20. Michelob Ultra
21. Sports Talk Radio
22. any talk radio
23. anyone talking on the radio, actually – I just want them to play songs. Is that so much to ask?
24. ambiguity
25. Outback’s Bloomin’ Onion (Sadly, I’ll probably get more flack for this than anything else.)
26. when people misuse apostrophes to make things plural (An apostrophe is meant to show possession and join words into contractions! That is ALL. IT NEVER MAKES THINGS PLURAL. So stop it.)
27. when people use the wrong form of a word (this one I can let go occasionally – the apostrophe thing I can’t)
28. small talk
29. ‘touchers’ (You know – the handsy people who touch everyone or have no concept of personal space so they’re all up in yours? I can’t handle those people. And that’s weird because I’m fairly affectionate with people I love. But if I don’t love you, don’t touch me.)
30. gratuitously violent movies and TV shows (I’m a comedy person.)
31. people who aren’t dog people (I don’t trust those people.)
32. whiny voices
33. complainers (Yes, I see what I did there.)
34. hypochondriacs
35. negative people (This is not the same as complainers. There is, of course, some overlap, but there can be a difference.)
36. incredibly loud places (or at least for ridiculously long periods of time)
37. the teacups at Disney (just… no)
38. Nascar (sorry Dad)
39. cigarette smoke (I’m allergic to it, so obviously it bothers me.)
40. poison ivy
41. mosquitoes (why do they even exist?!)
42. people who litter
43. people who don’t say “please” and “thank you” and hold open doors for other people
44. Chanel No. 5 (I’m pretty sure my grandmother wore this. And I loved her. But I hate this stuff.)
45. fart jokes (there were far too many of these growing up with brothers)
46. people who keep their phones in front of their faces all through dinner

To Be Continued… (probably)